Being afraid with my own self..

hai guys assalamualaikum.. okay dont be shock.. because u look more ugly with that face.. yeah.. im trying to write this entry in english.. and sure here will HAVE A LOT MAJOR  OF MISTAKE.. and please spare me.. because all known that im not good in english.. but im trying hard to learn a bit every time.. so, if u guys thought i have mistake at certain sentences or maybe 'that' word not suit in that sentence so.. i  feel free to have your sincere touch.. to make me be more confident and improve my english as well. and for your information guys.. for this entry i will use my all vocab in my mind and i will try correct my spelling by my own if i see red line under the word without referring any dictionary or translater, and.. if i have some blur word.. or confuse what the correct vocab for me to use i will write malay word in bracket. so u can give me that correct word.. ok lets start..

so, regarding for that tittle i  making up for today, yeah.. honestly i felling afraid with my own self. it is because, before this, in my teenager time, i did a lot of mistake.. yes i know, u guys will said, " ouh its ok.. everyone had their own mistake when teenager..bla..bla..bla" yes, but u should know too, that our power of internal soul is not same. and i admit that i have low my internal spirit. and that make me became worse and worse.. if u guys read my entry before u guys would recognize that situation.  i already see the counselor and i went to alternative medical too.. yes, some of my try is working and have lot of  improvement.. but what i realize here.. about my own self. yeah before this i know my evil side become worse every time because i have jin want to be my slave. so i be more rude to my mum.. to Allah.. lack to be a muslimah.. but after i got my alternative medical, alhamdulillah i'm getting better.. but.. some time i did a wrong doing as a person.. and that me thinking.. that is about my own self.. not only that jin...

evil still be a evil right.. but i trying hard to change my self, inner and outter. im being afraid.. that Allah can accept me back? how the hell and all toucher (how to spell ha? penyiksaan in english?) i only hope.. somebody can help me.. i mean he is my future husband..

dear to my future husband..

please come to me as long fast u can.. please.. i know, all in Allah's hand.. but we can du'a right? request to our Mighty to help us to marry as soon as possible..i know.. this sound stupid.. but.. i hope u.. come to me.. hold my hand.. make me be a strong women in islam way... its ok if u not too good in islam.. we can learn together.. we can try our best together to be a good slave of Allah.. we can try together make a lot of pahala, so we can go to heaven together.. i will never let go your hand.. if u are a poor man.. or when u get some trouble in the future.. if u get dumb in work.. or if u have lower income than me..or if u are not a perfect man.. but please me.. i will always be there hold your hand.. as long as u try your best.. not give up easyly.. not be a lazy person.. always work hard to improve your self, your family and your love.. i will always with u.. we try to complete each other..

from your future wife...